AFFAIRS
Infidelity is devastating to any couples’ relationship. Affairs cause an enormous amount of heartache for both partners and often effect children, family, work, and friends.
Relationships and marriages can and do repair, learn, and recover from infidelity.
We have 25 years of experience helping marriages and couples recover from infidelity, moving through the immediate crisis, and beyond through recovery.
At Associates in Couples Counseling, we are well practiced in dealing with affairs. We help couples with this every day.
Many couples feel confused and discouraged after an affair. It’s not uncommon for both parties to feel overwhelmed, angry, depressed, and uncertain. Swamped by intense feelings, partners often communicate poorly.
They frequently don’t understand how to move forward. Arguments, “interrogations”, grief, and intense all-night discussions are common.
For partners who have been betrayed there is a whirlwind of emotion. There is anxiety, self-doubt, anger, depression, and confusion. The future, which was once so clear, is now unknown.
They often feel disoriented and that a fundamental security and trust has been broken. These partners need to know how and why their spouse did this and seek security and trust going forward.
Unfaithful partners are frequently also on an emotional roller coaster. Guilt, shame, depression, defensiveness, confusion, desperation and other emotions are quite common.
They frequently struggle to understand why they had the affair. It is often a struggle to identify and discuss their thoughts and feelings.
They may sincerely feel that “it will never happen again,” and want their partner to take them at their word.
Sometimes they are struggling with staying or leaving – or what to share and what to “edit”. Often, unfaithful partners don’t know how to reassure their partner or move forward.
We focus on:
couples communicating productively about the affair and other matters
helping both partners understand how the affair occurred and what the unfaithful partner was thinking and feeling
understanding the reasons for the affair and the necessary changes to prevent future affairs
individual and relationship concerns that may have preceded the affair
starting the process to rebuild trust and build a better marriage
Our experience is that good people can get involved in affairs. And good people get betrayed. Yet, an affair is not an event that just happens. For each marriage or couple there are concrete reasons the affair occurred, and there are concrete steps to move through to rebuild.