Infidelity is devastating to any couples’ relationship. Affairs cause an enormous amount of heartache for both of you and often effect children, family, work, and friends. Our Intensive Marriage Retreats are particularly well suited to quickly and deeply help you move through the initial crisis and rebuild trust and closeness.
Many couples feel confused and discouraged after an affair. It’s not uncommon for both parties to feel overwhelmed, angry, depressed and uncertain. Swamped by intense feelings, partners often communicate poorly. They frequently don’t understand how to move forward. Arguments, “interrogations”, grief, and intense all-night discussions are common.
For partners who have been betrayed there is a whirlwind of emotion. There is anxiety, self-doubt, anger, depression, and confusion. The future, which was once so clear, is now unknown. They often feel disoriented and that a fundamental security and trust has been broken. These partners need to know how and why their spouse did this and are seeking security from this ever happening again.
The unfaithful partners are frequently also on an emotional roller coaster. Guilt, shame, depression, defensiveness, confusion, desperation and other emotions are quite common. They frequently struggle to understand why they had the affair. It is often a struggle to identify and discuss their thoughts and feelings. They may sincerely feel that “it will never happen again,” and want their partner to take them at their word. Sometimes they are struggling with staying or leaving – or what to share and what to “edit”. Often, unfaithful partners don’t know how to reassure their spouse or move forward.
We show couples how to communicate productively about the affair and other matters. We help both partners understand “how” the affair occurred and what the unfaithful partner was thinking and feeling throughout. We help couples understand the reasons for the affair and understand the necessary changes to prevent future affairs. We address individual and relationship problems that may have preceded the affair. We start the process to rebuilding trust and building a better marriage.
At Associates in Couples Counseling, we are well practiced in dealing with affairs. We help couples with this every day. Our experience is that “good” people can get involved in affairs. And “good” people get betrayed. Yet, an affair is not an event that “just happens”. For each couple there are concrete reasons the affair occurred, and there are concrete steps to move through to rebuild.